CTA-tiquette

I take public transportation everyday and everyday I am shocked, SHOCKED! as the total lack of common decency that we strangers have for each other on the train/bus. and so, for the four of you that read this I would like to share with you my thoughts on basic etiquette... or CTA-tiquette.

1. NO TOUCHIE! I understand on a crowded train  car sometimes people may bump into each other, but lingering hands are unacceptable. The exception to this rule is if you are an extremely attractive fellow who is planning on buying me dinner and then a house, following out intimate evening, summer wedding. In which case linger away sir!
2. NO EATING! especially if I am hungry, there is no excuse for eating something very delicious in front of my face when I have none. It's bad enough that I have to look at those pictures of potbelly's sandwiches. But for the love of all that is sanitary... no matter how much drool is running down my face, do not offer me some of your chicken sandwich. That's disgusting.
3. NO LOUD MUSIC! especially if the song you are listening to is particularly catchy and has the potential to be stuck in my head all day. We all like to tune out the world of being too close to strangers with strange odors but when "Imma Bee"  or ANYTHING by Justin Beiber is playing in you ears for the sake of all of us, turn it down.
4. NO TALKING ON YOUR CELL PHONE! or if you must, do it quietly. UNLESS! the conversation is particularly juicy  or dramatic, in which case ENUNCIATE! for the love of god, if the half of the conversation I will hear can be relayed to fill awkward silence on a first date, please let me hear it... it's brutal out there.
5. NO TALKING TO STRANGERS! your mother (and Oprah) taught you this in grade school, and to be honest this rule mostly only applies to older men, weird-looking or unattractive people. Drunkards feel free to disregard this rule as it is highly entertaining to engage in conversations with you.

There, five simple rules to live your publicly transported lives by. You are welcome.

In other news, I was so engrossed in my Love Actually sound track on the train the other day that I did not notice a very attractive man trying to spark a conversation with me. I was informed by a highly entertained and friendly gay, that the law student (well he was carrying a law text book anyway) who I sat next to (all the while noticing he was a very nice looking specimen) had tried 3 times to start conversations with me. And I had been so busy listening to Love Actually that I may have missed a chance at love... actually. sigh.